Lets be Honest

The biggest loser I am not . June 10th I will have my offical yearly post op visit with my doc.
I will be the first to admit I am not where I wanted to be at a year out. I wanted to be at my goal weight or damn near close. I am not . I still have 30-40 lbs IDEALLY to lose.
I know my doc will not say anything about my weight, he rarely does. He always asks me how I FEEL. Physically I probably feel fine, feel well , feel healthier , But I am not happy where i am by any means. I have not gained weight in the last year , Lost little but at least I am not gaining .
Its the little things i guess I reach for .

Now lets be honest. I have not worked at my weight loss since around Christmas time. My son became ill and well I Just fell off the wagon . For those new to reading my blog or to weight loss surgery , 3 weight loss surgeries does not make for easy weight loss ! At ALL, EVER , PERIOD !
Money was tight for us for a very very very long time . While you do no need money to work out , it helps and it helps in order to eat healthy .
So now that things are better for us financially I am recommitting to ME . I have signed up for a food delivery service called Fixed Foods , Its Paleo and gluten free, Its very easy on my IBS stomach as well. I will be joining a bootcamp type class that is also kind of personal training and I have a gym my apartment I can use now also . Its time to get serious. I am in a position now where i COULD have a much needed tummy tuck soon , but I WONT Do it until i get the weight off !

I WILL GET TO MY GOAL !! I WILL !
I WILL NEVER GO BACK TO WHERE I USE TO BE !

Changes

The last few weeks have been crazy . Lots of changes have been going on . 

I start my new job at the hospital on the 18th . I had my last day at my old job today . I have been with that company for almost 5 yrs. The job was very flexible , relaxed, laid back and I pretty much did what I wanted. It was also part time . Had it paid more I would have loved it more than I did . After  years of applying I finally found a new job, a hospital job which is what I have been wanting for a long time. 

Now the scary part. Changing jobs. I was a stay at home mom for about 8 yrs. When I finally did start working it was part time so that I could still go to my kids functions etc.
My youngest is 12 now and in middle school. Not as many activities to go to etc. I have been feeling quility about him having to be home some by himself ( if my husband is not here ) I feel like I am letting him down as a mother. I am sure this is normal but i feel guilty for it.

My husband will be starting a new job soon too . He will be out of town some . Going back to work for me is not going to be easy I dont think . Going from working   2-4 hours a day to 12 is going to be rough ! Not being there all the time for my son is going to be hard as well. Not being there all the time for my husband will be hard too .

I feel like since my surgery I need to do what I need to do for my family , and my health . Well for me mainly and I have to get over the guilt of it . I am ready to have the life I have wanted for a long time the first step of that is taking the stress off my husband for money , and eventually ( hoping next semester ) going back to school for nursing .
Its a lot to handle at once but i know it will all be for the best !

 

Now the chore of getting my house organized, cleaned and ready to be a functioning home when I cant be here. More so for my husband than my son lol

Surgery and Meds

Since having surgery I have been off both of my prescriptions. Topamax to control my migraines and wellbutrin for depression and anxiety . I have not taken either of them initially because I knew i could not get them down or was more scared to try possibly . The Topamax i was more worried about not taking or being able to take since with out meds I get migraines often . Nearly daily . However after nearly 9 weeks post op of not taking the Topamax I have had one migraine. So Im going to wait that out .

The BIGGEST proble , is not taking my Wellbutrin. I need to get back on it. However due to financial issues I cant get it right now OR my B12 injections which is not helping my energy either .
I know better than to go off this med, But I am slowly getting more depressed, anxious and just feel like staying in bed all day . Im going to have to work on getting back on them soon . The family can always telll when I am off my meds. Its not fun for them TRUST ME ! I do realize how it affects me now at least.

So moral of the story take your meds post op if you are able to !

Dont Judge !

Its been pointed out to me by several people that I am not the most fun  , positive person to be around lately. This is something I am aware of . Its something I dont like , I do not like being this way , its not who I am .
However its something on most cases I cant help at this moment or cant seem to help .
People who know me , really know me , know I am not normally this bitchy . So therefore something must be wrong huh ? Yes. I dont want to be a fat miserable person . My weight itself is not the only thing  affecting how I am acting.
I wish people would take the time to stop and ask " what is going on ,?" instead of just " STOP BITCHING " I am VERY Aware of how I am at this point and I dont like it either .. But i would like for you all to take a few things into consideration ..

A. I am only able to eat less than 1000 calories a day .
B. Of that half of it gets thrown up
C. Eating physically hurts me
D. I am in physical pain daily from what this band has done to me .. I know i know its all my fault huh ?
E. I ache from head to toe daily .

Believe it or not I actually TRY not to complain that much .. But take a few things into consideration before you judge me  .

These are the affects of not eating on a persons body ...
Physical effects

Decreased resting
metabolic rate (RMR)
Drop in sex hormones
(estrogen, testosterone)
Decreased sexual interest
Amenorrhea (no menses)
Bone loss
Constipation and
gastrointestinal upset
Sleep disturbance
Weakness
Hypothermia (feeling cold
all the time)
Loss of lean body mass
Changes in brain chemistry
that increase appetite and
food cravings. ( did you read that ? Not only can I NOT Eat with out throwing up my brain and my stomach
are telling me to EAT because its HUNGRY ) 

Cognitive effects

Decreased concentration
Poor judgment
Apathy

Effects on attitudes and
behaviors towards food

Food preoccupation
Collection of recipes,
cookbooks, and menus
Unusual eating habits
Increased consumption of
coffee, tea, and diet sodas
Increased use of spices
Loss of body’s natural
mechanisms for regulating
hunger and fullness

Emotional and social effects

Depression
Anxiety
Irritability and anger
Lability (ever-changing
mood)
Personality changes
Social withdrawal


I dont want people's pity  . However, Am I pissed off that I am over weight again ? YES .. Is it my own fault I am over weight again ? NO .. Its the bands fault PERIOD ..
Am I bitter that something that was suppose to make me healthy , and lose weight has actually done the opposite ? YES I am .
Listen to me very carefully to this .. Unless you have EVER been 100lbs or more over weight you have NO IDEA what its like just being over weight .. Let along all the other issues I am going through . And Its not just me going through this . This is not an isolated incident . Its everyone else who is suffering through the affects of the failed bands. It does not help me or make me feel better either to tell me " I told you not to get the band in the first place " or " YOU got the band no one made  you " well NO SH*T  SHERLOCK !! Is Anyone that ignorant to think i would have gotten this thing knowing it would do this to me ? GIVE ME A BREAK ....  So the VERY least that can be done is empathize with people . Dont judge !!! 

Lets Compare . Weight Loss and Gain Pics

Lets Compare shall we.. More like lets see what this GAWD Awful band has done to me ....
Me before lab band surgery at 250 Plus pounds ( I was probably pushing 270 here )

250 plus pounds pre surgery before band 

125 pounds 10 months post op from Band My Goal weight 

This is also the day I slipped my band the first time. 

2010 slowly gained weight back about 30 pounds at this point . I wish I had known what I was in for at this point . 

 2011 I was probably about 200 pounds at this point ? Maybe a little less. Still gaining

Now 2012 Im back to 220 pounds :( 

This is not the full circle I had in mind! 

Lets compare side by side shall we . 

Now                                        Then

Admittedly I do not Feel as big as I was before .. Probably because I am not , yet . However I FEEL worse than I did before. I get sick looking at my " after pic " and knowing how good that felt .

I know I will be there soon again . But I want people to see what this has done to my body , my self esteem and to me in general .

Onward and Upward

Last week was not a good week for me ( as you might have been able to tell ) I have learned who  my friends are my REAL friends through this process and that's a little upsetting . Its upsetting to see friends you thought were friends and  you thought should stand by you get stupid on you basically .
Everyone has all the answers for me when they cant take the time to ask me how I am doing, how I am feeling, what I have tried. Its so easy to tell other people what they should do when you dont take the time to sympathize or empathize with them . All I have to say to those people is I hope your cushy little jobs with your "awesome" insurance and all your money never runs out ! If you are ever in my shoes one day dont come running to me for help or advice .. I dont plan on being there anymore !!

ANYWAY !! Im better this week , I have moved on . Things are looking up for my husbands work . I should hear back from PCIP insurance any day now .  Im thinking the rate they are moving I SHOULD have insurance the first of September. So I should be able to get in to see the doc the following week .

With the fundraiser I had set up and several other people have set up 3 other fundraisers for me I have about $1900 now . Which is enough to get me started. I am hoping by time Sept first gets here I will have the other half from either the fundraisers or my selling efforts on Facebook yard sale sites.

So that's how things are at this point. I am not throwing up as much lately . I have learned to just stick to liquid and mushy foods. which is not real fun , not very appetizing but its better than throwing up . I still have some pain after eating but its better than throwing up .

I feel like I am going around in a circle. I would say " Full Circle" but that to me makes it seem like I have accomplished something. I feel like I have done nothing in the last 5-6 yrs since I was banded. My depression, isolation etc is creeping back up as my weight comes back on . I am finding myself becoming that same bitter nasty person I was 6 yrs ago before my surgery . Ok you think , "Do something about it " I feel like im stuck.
No insurance to get my band out , no money to get insurance, if i could get the insurance i could probably get the band out . I feel like i did when i wanted my band surgery so damn bad. I am not sure what to do .

I am even afraid at this point to loose any weight if i can . Or try to loose weight. I am afraid if I do once I finally get insurance my BMI will be too low and wont be able to get any surgery ! This is a vicious awful circle !

Ding Dong ... Yes ?? Your an idiot for having lap band !

Do I really think that ? No .. but The strangest thing happened to me the other day .
My door bell rings. Its someone who is looking for the people who use to own this house. She starts talking to me . Turns out she was inviting the owners to a "party " at her house for this crap she sells. Its a weight loss , meal replacement drink . She asks if I Might be interested. I told her that I had a lap band and didn't need those. She then proceeds to tell me that everyone she know's who has had lap band has failed. I asked her " are you SURE your not thinking of Gastric Bypass ?" She says " Well maybe. Keep in mind I dont know this lady from Adam. She proceeds to tell me why I should be drinking these drinks so I dont NEED my lap band. Very obvious that she's very anti surgery ... So I let her talk .. Then I told her " First off you are not educated enough about weight loss and people who have weight loss issues to be "Selling ANYTHING weight loss related. Second off , I had lap band So I Dont have to do stupid shit anymore like DRINK LIQUIDS FOR WEEKS AND MONTHS AND YEARS On end as a MEAL to lose weight , so I Do not have to go on a diet . Further more , when you go OFF That meal shake , and you will because no one can LIVE on that come see me when you gain your weight back !!! NOW ... Next time you knock on someone's door why dont you NOT disrespect them !! Thank you !!! Can you believe that shit ?

Is it just me or am I being a B ?

Ok so I have been running around like crazy the last few weeks and this week is NUTS ! My oldest son , my baby , the boy I had at 16 is graduating ! A HUGE deal for me , I guess any parent. Its special obviously to us, his family . Its kind of an even "bigger" accomplishment for my son because he's dyslexic and struggled w/ school his whole life, even bigger is he's going to college on to throw discus and that he WANTS to go to college after the difficulties he's had.

So that being said obviously we are proud of him .... Obviously I want my friends and family to celebrate w/ us. We are having a BIG party , like over 70 people will be here ! Maybe I am just extra stressed cause family is coming into town some I want to see some , uh not so much .
But here is the deal, I have some long time friends who have been w/ me since I had my son at 16, saw his sperm donor leave me and all that went w/ that who are acting like this is a every weekend occasion ..... By that I mean , one has plans to go somewhere already so " Sorry we cant make it " some others are not going to the ceremony but coming to the party WELL Of course you will the party , there will be food and beer ! Some have legitimate plans are already going out of town etc, which i totally understand.

I just think if this were my friends kids I would change my plans no matter what to see their children graduate . Maybe I need to re think how much effort I put into my friendships !

So just curious .. am I being over sensitive or am I being a bitch or a little of both !

Medical Issues Stress

I have been away for a while and I wanted to say hello and really get this off my chest.
Im quite stressed, worried etc. Let me explain . About a month or so ago I noticed a "bump" on the big toe of my left foot. I did not think much about it , i thought it was a corn or a bunion .
It slowly got a little bigger. A few weeks later I noticed a bump on the next toe over but it was under neath my toe ( from the bend of your toe to where your "foot " starts) If that make sense.
So by now im thinking I need to go get this looked at. Im still thinking its from walking around barefoot or wearing flip flops a lot. So I go to the doc and by now its been a total of 2 or 3 weeks and these bumps are now on ALL of my toes on my left foot. My docs answer " WOW I dont know what that is " ! Nice thanks here is your money ! (im kidding of course )
So he sends me to a podiatrist . The podiatrist says he's not 100% sure what they are either. They look like they could be ganglion cysts but those usually are on the top of your feet and not all in the exact same spot on your feet. By now ( its been a week since i have seen my regular doc ) These things , bumps what ever they are , are now on my right foot , the big toe .
So he tells me these are probably either ganglion cysts or some other kind of soft tissue cyst. He sends me to go get an MRI . Ok fine . At this point im thinking I will get these cut out and be on my way . I go today for my MRI results. Well GUESS WHAT , they still dont know what the hell they are . The MRI Shows an "inflammation " but he says its not an inflammation because these things are hard. My toes are starting to become deformed and i have to walk funny because of it. So he asks me " do you have anything else going on , maybe we are missing something "
I tell him these things :
Im tired all the time ( I associated that w/ the fact that there is something odd on my feet )
My feet ache all the time ( same as above )
My feet and hands go numb ( But I recently upped my dosage of topamax which can do that , but that should have gone away by now )
My right hand is numb, I cant grasp things and it hurts all the time ( I wrote that off as maybe carpal tunnel )
So he tells me given these things all together we might be dealing w/ something else. A friend who is a nurse also tells me this could be an Auto Immune disorder or something . Arthritis or something along those lines.
So at this point I still do not know what the hell is wrong w/ me . The doc was suppose to call me back today to let me know where we go . But he did not so I will call him first thing.
I really needed to just vent, get this out.

Oprah's at it again !

I just cant watch her anymore. She gets my blood pressure boiling.
I think she waits until she see's a book go to #1 on the New York Times Best
sellers list then acts like she had something to do with it or she discovered
them and has them on her show and does nothing but act like she
invented the shit ! I really just cant take her anymore.
Today's show was about a book " Women , Food and God
" The title for the show "

Why Oprah Says She'll Never Diet Again!

If you're sick and tired of being fat and miserable, this is the

show for you! Oprah just knows it's going to ignite a revolution.

Why you never have to diet again.

OF COURSE its going to ignite a freaking revolution cause

Oprah says it will and cause she says SHE WILL
Never diet again . As a former fatty forgive me but
" I dont think she's done any dieting by the

looks of her ! I get so sick of Oprah going on TV and ranting about

"The next new thing in diets , when everyone including her know's
they dont freaking work ! She promotes the shit out of it , then goes
on explaining why " well that didnt work " until she finds another one .

She does this and has to do this because for the last 10 years she's
done nothing but BASH weight loss surgery so , well shit for
her she cant have it now ! She had never had a positive
show about WLS on .

She has Carney Wilson on who as someone I once met whoo know's
her calls her is a " WLS Whore " (Love that by the way )
and will go on and say anything about WLS or Gastric Bypass if it gets her on TV but wont have good stories on from people who are success stories !
Ok i'll step down off my soap box. The shoes not even over yet
and i had to turn it off !

Being self concious after 125 pounds and 10 years of Marriage

So lately , for what ever reason I have been very self conscious . Well OK its for a few reasons.
Its started with A face book " issue" that came up with my husband ( Nothing major ) that I was uncomfortable with and it made me really stop and think about a lot of things , and ended up making me self conscious. I have gained a few pounds ( 10 to be exact ) and I'm feeling fat again .

When i was 250 pounds I was self conscious yes. However I did not care either. I did not care about my marriage, did not care about myself, i could have cared less if my husband cheated on me . I know that sounds horrible , but hell who would have blamed him, did you SEE what i looked like ? At least that's how I looked at it.

SO after feeling paranoid that my husband might want to leave me NOW we did a lot of talking this weekend and I did a lot of thinking . What he said was " If I was going to leave you or cheat on you i would have done it when you were 250 pounds and MISERABLE therefore making ME miserable ( Lets face it I was and he was ) NOT now when you are happier than you have been and I am happy because you are happy , don't be silly, your stuck w/ me and I'm stuck with you "
But it got me thinking , after 10 years of marriage there are things that I use to do for him to make sure , keep him happy , ( not just in bed either you dirty minded people LOL ) .
But as the years move on , you get in a routine the little things you use to do for each other fall to the waste side. The little things like giving each other a kiss for now reason , calling and saying " how was your day " or " I love you " for no reason . We just don't do that anymore.Or even making SURE your partner is happy , and doing things JUST to make them happy or feel good stops.So we both decided we are going to work on doing that again . We will be married 10 years in February. I am really happier than ever w/ myself( besides this issue ) . I just need to do those little things to have him feel good every now and then again . So does he.

Its funny how at 140ish pounds and 125 pounds lost being self conscious now sets in ? I worry now " Is my hanging stomach too gross for him , are my 2 wet tube socks I call boobs too nasty for him to look at " ? Maybe he would be happier w/ someone who did not have that.
He reassures me that's not the case. So maybe these little things here and there will make me feel better as well..

Does this make sense ? I hope someone else can relate to this too . Maybe I'm just nuts and I'm the only one !

My Band : This is not good ya'll

So I am going to the doc tomorrow ( Or today ) and yesterday I am eating and I get STUCK . WTF? Im totally unfilled how can i get stuck ? So I throw up . Not good . Why is this happening ? What the hell is going on ?
The other day I SWEAR I felt my port FLIP ? I have no idea if that is what happened but that's what it FELT like. It might have been my port "stuck" between my fat in my stomach and just got " pinched" but it felt like it flipped.
Im going to call my doc today , see if he wants to see me today . But I have to tell ya'll, I dont think I will escape surgery for much longer if at all .
The mear thought of possibly losing my band is scaring me to death . I am already hearing from my husband " Just take the damn thing out , all you have to do is eat and exercise " my mom says " Just dont eat so much Crap Mindy " NICE thanks for the f***ing support guys . That got me so far before didnt it ? I have a feeling i'll call the doc and he'll say come in today .
My husband is working out of state now . He will be home starting Wednesday for about a week before he starts the next job . SO IF I do have to have surgery it would not be a bad time to do it. I just DONT WANT TO LOSE MY BAND !
I will keep ya'll updated !

Seriously ... BITE ME !!

Ok pissy mood right now . But im tired of this ..
My band has been unfilled for about amonth now . I have gained close to 15 pounds AGAIN ! For people who dont have the band or have never had it totally unfilled I have 1 thing to say to you . BITE ME ! No not really . But peopel do NOT understand how this feels. Im hungry ALL THE TIME !! Its just not normal to eat chili that has 20 grams of protein in it and 20 mintues later be able , feel like you can eat MORE ! This is just horrible ya'll. I go to the doc Monday and see if he will fill me . I dont know that he will until we see more about the band . But if he does not im liable to grab him by the collar and say " LISTEN HERE DOC " !!!
Im getting very unhapyp with the amount of weight i have gained. My clothes are not fitting me ! UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
Sorry i just had to vent !!

Im So Damn HUNGRY I could eat ANYTHING

Im so damn hungry ya'll. I cant even tell you. I have been through this before. I know but this SUCKS really this time , i wont lie. For some reason in the past liquids have not been that big of a deal. Maybe becuase im totally unfilled this time. But im STARVING. OF the 10 pounds I lost 4 i gained back in 2 days ( How do you do that anyway ) from all the damn milk shakes im eating. But its the only thing half way satifsiying. I just went and got some more potoatoe soup ( Im about tired of that ) and some tomoatoe bisque soup , FAT FREE Ice cream and some bolthouse. I HOPE that tieds me over until Monday . But OMG !! My husband better be glad he's not around me right now and my kids are keeping busy . LMAO HELLLPPPP !!!!

Where oh Where have my boobies gone ?

My sister and I had a long day of shopping. First we hit the Victoria Secret OUTLET ( that's right OUTLET ) close to our house. LOVE it . I got some much needed new panties since mine were falling off of me. Ya know underwear is just one of those things you let go until you have to buy them. At least I do .
Anyway, the outlet did not have any bra's that i liked or fit really . OF Course not since they are $9.99 there. I got a few other things i needed.
So my sister and i decided to go to the "real" VS store in the mall since they were having their Semi Annual Sale.
I got the size I wear now .. 36C .. Yeah NOT going to work ! I asked the lady .. could you please find me A PADDED PUSH UP Bra in a size 34 B ! That's right B AS in BOY I have no BOOBS Left !! WTF !! Those damn things are gone !! GONE I TELL YA LADIES ! I have been wearing a C MOLDED cup for so long it gave me the illusion of having boobs ! NO more magic tricks here ladies !!! My ass is not the only thing getting smaller in Texas !!!

Clothes Shopping Yesterday WTF ?

Fatskinnygirls post inspired me to post this about my shopping experience yesterday . I have one pair of shorts that fit me right now . The rest are either too big or too small. These last 10 pounds i need to get off to be where i need to be.
Anyway , I went to a couple places and everyone i guess thinks that everyone can wear shorts that come up the crack of your ass for one . They are SO SHORT.
So i went to target. Found some capri's I liked. I right now am in a 5/6 I grabbed a pair that size and one the next size up just in case. TOO SMALL ??? ( Scratching my head ) Ok I know its that TOM But ok.. So i grabbed a 8 TOO SMALL . WTF ???
FINALLY a 10 Fit me .. MY DEAD ASS will i put on a size 10 again !! STOP dont give me no shit about " I wish i was in a 10 " that's like those of you being in a 14 now putting on a 20 ! " Imgaine ! Of i your in a 20 wearing a 24 "
ITS NOT HAPPENING im telling ya !! So be forewarned Targets sizes are JACKED UP !! LMAO

Swim Suit Season Stinks

I dont care what size i am , get to , become I wont like summer for one reason ... SWIM SUIT SEASON !!
Let this be a lesson to anyone out there that thinks " Your not "big" anymore be happy! Let me tell ya something... I was 110 pounds and was not comfortable with myself in a swim suite. I need a lap band for my head ! Because the weight might be off, but the apron around my stomach is still there and my wet tube socks I have for boobs are hanging around my shoulders still and I do not feel comfortable in a swim suite.
But here is my aggravation . Maybe its mean , not PC ... I dont know . I met a women in my new area who is larger. We were talking about my surgery . We went to the pool the other day . Because of my saggy thighs I had on board shorts with my swim suit top . Her response was " OH gawd take that off " or " You look great what do you have to worry about " Just because I am thinner now that I was a year ago MEANS i am comfortable with my body , comfortable in a swim suite .
But why do people assume that ? There are people at 250 pounds who are perfectly comfortable in a swim suite . And I think that is AWESOME . But guess what ?? That was NOT me .. There are people like ME who would not be caught at a pool for 3 yrs at 250 pounds because they were not comfortable with them selves at 250 pounds.

My point I guess. No matter what weight you are, you get to , you become keep in mind that there just might be someone who is uncomfortable !. Dont assume people are happy ( about their bodies) JUST BECAUSE they lost the weight.

Dont get me wrong.. I am happy with myself . But being happy with myself and putting on a swim suit in public are 2 totally different things !!!

Ok So what's been going on . The Short of it is ..

As i said we finally got moved in . Its been stressful .
Its stressful living with my parents. Let me let you get a mental picture of this set up of an "Apartment" LOL . ( Actually i will probably take a picture later ) Above their garage they have a room , it has enough room for a queen size bed, computer desk, futon and a chair. THAT is where I am living with my youngest son . My oledest son is staying down stairs in their extra room. So my younests and I have to come down stairs for the bathroom and to eat.
When Jason is in town ( hubby) he's up stairs with us too.
Now my dad loves to cook, and normally is home early from work or works when he wants ( he has his own company ) But because of the job he has going on he's working 12 hour shifts. Im not the biggest fan of his cooking. He does not use hardly any fresh veggies , just does not cook the way I do .
SO I told my mom , can I cook if you know dad wont be home. Was not sure if he would appreciate that or not. All last week dinner was ready when both of them got home from work. Not only did mom like it ( she's trying to lose weight so she likes my healthy cooking ) dad seemed to really appreciate it .
My mom would rather have my whole wheat pastas, breads, ect.
So things SO FAR are ok.
My dad has a bad habit of bringing home crap to eat. Donuts, cakes, ect.
So im having to watch it. Im still been able to maintain 140 pretty easily . But I am not comfortable with 140 as a "goal" , "final" , Im done number for me. I would be much happier with 130 I think. Someone who found my blog is suppose to have surgery with my surgergeon next week I believe , after that I get 2 free fills for a referal . So I will go get a slight fill and try to lose these last 10 pounds AGAIN !I swear these last 10 pounds are the death of me.

Im also thinking MAYBE i just need to get off my ass and just start walking, working out , doing something and I can get these last 10 pounds off like that and maintain it . I like the way I am eating now. Its not a lot , its a little more than "usual" but its good. So we'll see what i decide.
Cant tell ya'll how good it is to be back and be able to spend time on here and catch up on everyone's bloggs !

BAD NEWS !!! My band .....

First i just want to thank everyone for their great comments on reaching my goal !!!
I went to the doc yesterday after having refulx for a week or more ( FYI If you get refulx go to the doc RIGHT AWAY ) the past week i have been throwing up quite a bit but like i said did not have the money to go to the doc.

WELL, I went in yesterday after not being able to keep liquids down . And one look in the XRay and MY BAND HAD SLIPPED !!! Not only had it slipped but i was about an hour away from having to have surgery ! I was severly dyhradated as well.
The doc after totally unfilling me told me to wait and we'll do another X ray . We did and the band had not "Un done " Its self. ( It was also flipped , you know when you look at the band in flouro you can see the outer rim ? MINE you could see the INSIDE part that your stomach goes through ) So he said to wait until he was done seeing patients , In the mean time he was calling the hospital to make arrangements for surgery . $4000 !! Is what it was going to cost me.
He saw the rest of his patients and we did another x ray and BAM my band moved on its own !!! NO SURGERY . My doc told me " You are VERY LUCKY " he was not happy with me for waiting to come in !!!

SO NOW ... I have to be on liquids for 2 weeks , go back get it checked , if its still not moved or anything then i might be able to do mushies at that point. But he told me at this point to prepare for 4 weeks of liquids !!!!!

So that's my deal !!!!
Thanks again to everyone. I will up date again when i can !