Disappointment Again

Its been about a week since my 15 month follow up appointment and its taken me about that long to process the information I have been given . At my one year visit I had gained a few pounds. I have had no real significant weight loss since the 10 or so pounds I lost post first revision surgery . So on this visit when I had gained more weight and he asked me more questions about my eating habits how I am feeling I lost it and told him " I am back to square one , no hunger control, always hungry and gaining weight " His response " I saw this coming your last visit and would hope you could have maintained but you have not " I asked him " is this something I AM DOING  ?  am I doing this to myself ?" His response " no this is not your doing " I then asked him " are you seeing other revision patients have the same issues' His response " No , however its still early with revisions so its hard to say ?" In other words this revision surgery has failed as well .
So my doctor has been talking to another associate of his who is doing a procedure , or has done a procedure where they go in and make your pouch smaller from the inside through an endoscope. I am not 100% sure what all this involves however he asked my permission to speak to the doc more at length about me to see if its something I can do or be a candidate for . So we shall see what happens in the next few weeks or so . Is this something I would do ? Yes . I as well as the doc are concerned with long term weight regain for myself . I'll do as I always do and keep you informed .

Lets Compare . Weight Loss and Gain Pics

Lets Compare shall we.. More like lets see what this GAWD Awful band has done to me ....
Me before lab band surgery at 250 Plus pounds ( I was probably pushing 270 here )

250 plus pounds pre surgery before band 

125 pounds 10 months post op from Band My Goal weight 

This is also the day I slipped my band the first time. 

2010 slowly gained weight back about 30 pounds at this point . I wish I had known what I was in for at this point . 

 2011 I was probably about 200 pounds at this point ? Maybe a little less. Still gaining

Now 2012 Im back to 220 pounds :( 

This is not the full circle I had in mind! 

Lets compare side by side shall we . 

Now                                        Then

Admittedly I do not Feel as big as I was before .. Probably because I am not , yet . However I FEEL worse than I did before. I get sick looking at my " after pic " and knowing how good that felt .

I know I will be there soon again . But I want people to see what this has done to my body , my self esteem and to me in general .

Today has been a LUCKY Day

Today has been a great , lucky day !!!
First off I started off the day with getting a second part time job  ! I can still work my first part time job, they will work around my schedule and I can make some extra money for my surgery  !

Second I received a good amount of donations in the mail ! YAY ! I  now need about $2300 for my goal for my surgery .
I am still selling items on an online yard sale group to help me get my goal as well as still hoping for some help for donations for my fundraiser .

Lastly I got a call from my insurance company and my denial letter for my insurance is in the mail i should get it Tuesday ! ( Denial is good ) its the first step i need.
 So I will apply for the PCIP insurance tonight , send in the denial letter as soon as it gets here and the process is off !
YIKES THIS MAY HAPPEN 

Never take eating for granted !

I have decided over the last couple of days that I am going to be honest and open with this process of my crap band .. So some things may gross people out .
Let me first start off by saying that I have found out who my real , true friends are lately .
I posted my fundraiser link on my facebook page , i know you open your self up to idiots and opinions when you do that. I understand that , if you dont agree with it or dont understand it, I have no problem with people asking my questions or simply just keeping things to them selves. BUT some of my "friends" and Im not talking about FB "friends" Im talking people I have known for 20 yrs decided to attack me over it. Telling me I was asking for " cosmetic surgery " it was ridiculous and offensive .. SO it was at that point I decided I am going to be more open with my friends and family about my crap band issue ? WHY ? Because I have not said much to people before now .

That being said let me tell you how my night went last night . I made a stir fry shrimp dish I had made before and ate fine, went down fine . It was really good so i decided I would make it last night. I ate one small meal of it slowly and it went down fine . I waited several hours , since I was still hungry I ate some more . Well there was the mistake . It slowly started hurting and slowly started working its way back " up" . Ya ever thrown up shrimp ? Yeah that's fun ! Now let me explain to you what happens with me when I throw up certain things .. Gross I know but its not just things coming back up .. I guess because of the way my stomach is and the scar tissue certain things get " stuck " coming back up therefore it makes it hard to breather . SO Imagine throwing up and not being able to breathe at the same time ! OHHH the fun .
Now after I am done with this it feels like someone has punched me in the chest because my chest is so sore and now today I have some killer acid reflux . So today ,will be a liquid day for me for the rest of the day . I can literally feel my stomach is swollen and wont be able to eat anything today .

Some help Please!

I came across this site today , i checked it out and it is legit. They grant wishes to people for all kinds of different things.
I posted my wish to have my band removed and converted to a sleeve.
If you can take a minute and just share it maybe someone will see it, Its a long shot a VERY Long shot but you never know !
The site is called Wish Upon a Hero
Like i said if you can just share it on your facebook page, on your blog I would REALLY REALLY appreciate it ! http://www.wishuponahero.com/wishes/?id=1171279

New Light at The End of the Tunnel ?

For the past several years I have had issues with my lap band . I am now up to (insert weight I dont want to say ) and it just keeps coming on . I am doing what i can now to try to stop it but it still seems to creep back on .
My husband has been self employed for several years now . Sometimes it works out great sometimes , not so much . He has a couple job opportunities in the works that if they pan out we could possibly afford to get my band fixed . I am looking into converting it to a sleeve .
Im still looking into this option , to see what the pro's and con's of it are. But Its now an option .
So I am cautiously optimistic about this now ! I still have lots of research to do about my options, in the mean time I will still continue to exercise and eat right !

Things are not good : Useless

That is basically what my band is inside me now . USELESS !!!
I went to get my fill today and doc went to fill my band . I had my barium swallow and when he filled it , the barium sat there ! Nothing , So he backed off , nothing sat there .. he backed it out to .01 NOTHING ! Sat there .... He took all of it out and the barium barely trickled through . He said I have scar tissue or something that has built up . I can either have it repositioned ( not recommend ) Or I can and probably need to have it revised to a sleeve. Nothing major is going on for me now , i am not having any problems BUT I could at any time, if i got sick or something because I do not have much " wiggle room" so to speak . The cost for the new surgery ????? $13,000 !!!!!! Its basically 2 surgeries, one to have the band removed , wait 3 months then have the sleeve done !!! SOOOOO I am going to have to do what I can on my own for now to lose the 50 count them 50 Damn pounds I have put back on !!
I am very upset and disgusted w/ the situation and partially myself ! Part of this is my fault for eating the way I have the past year when my band had next to nothing in it !

So we will see !

Has this happened to you ?

This has happened to me a few times since getting my band refilled, I am so paranoid now w/ my band I freak out at every little thing.

It usually happens if I eat late at night ... ( Ok not doing that anymore after last night ) but I had something to eat (chips ) and then went and laid down .
My stomach started to hurt way down in my stomach if that makes sense .
I guess like maybe I was stuck ? But not like I needed to throw up , (Which I REFUSE To do now ) it hurt when i took a deep breathe. I Know it probably has something to do w/ eating and laying right down .

I literally did not sleep at all last night it was so uncomfortable . I went to sleep at 6am this morning.

Anyway have any thoughts ? I feel ok this morning , but will go on liquids for a few days . My stomach feels kind of sore .

Getting "stuck" For those who do it often Please read

I have been reading blogs lately and reading comments on blogs and have read ALOT of people talking about getting stuck 3 or more times a WEEK .
Let me put this bluntly , rudely , what ever you want to call it .
You can sit there and rationalize it all you want , "im not chewing well enough , im not doing what i should etc." But if your getting STUCK 3 or 4 times a week , sure you need to evaluate how your eating and all , but if your getting stuck that often you need to get an unfill !

STOP , i repeat STOP putting your bands at risk for the sake of a few pounds. OK your saying dumb ass isnt that the point of the band , to lose weight. YES , BUT what the hell good is the band if you DONT HAVE IT ? Take it from someone who feels like at EVERY Stuck episode now I might lose my band . Its NOT A good feeling. The first year and a half I followed the rules of my band to a T . HOWEVER, i did not realize that getting stuck and having that " one last bite " come back up IS BAD. ITS THROWING UP . ITS PUTTING YOUR BAND AT RISK . SO STOP IT !
Stop PBing a few times a week .

Bottom line, You should be able to eat SOLID foods comfortably with OUT getting stuck. Listen to your body. SLOW weight loss is better than NONE !

I cant stress this enough !