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So lately , for what ever reason I have been very self conscious . Well OK its for a few reasons.
Its started with A face book " issue" that came up with my husband ( Nothing major ) that I was uncomfortable with and it made me really stop and think about a lot of things , and ended up making me self conscious. I have gained a few pounds ( 10 to be exact ) and I'm feeling fat again .
When i was 250 pounds I was self conscious yes. However I did not care either. I did not care about my marriage, did not care about myself, i could have cared less if my husband cheated on me . I know that sounds horrible , but hell who would have blamed him, did you SEE what i looked like ? At least that's how I looked at it.
SO after feeling paranoid that my husband might want to leave me NOW we did a lot of talking this weekend and I did a lot of thinking . What he said was " If I was going to leave you or cheat on you i would have done it when you were 250 pounds and MISERABLE therefore making ME miserable ( Lets face it I was and he was ) NOT now when you are happier than you have been and I am happy because you are happy , don't be silly, your stuck w/ me and I'm stuck with you "
But it got me thinking , after 10 years of marriage there are things that I use to do for him to make sure , keep him happy , ( not just in bed either you dirty minded people LOL ) .
But as the years move on , you get in a routine the little things you use to do for each other fall to the waste side. The little things like giving each other a kiss for now reason , calling and saying " how was your day " or " I love you " for no reason . We just don't do that anymore.Or even making SURE your partner is happy , and doing things JUST to make them happy or feel good stops.So we both decided we are going to work on doing that again . We will be married 10 years in February. I am really happier than ever w/ myself( besides this issue ) . I just need to do those little things to have him feel good every now and then again . So does he.
Its funny how at 140ish pounds and 125 pounds lost being self conscious now sets in ? I worry now " Is my hanging stomach too gross for him , are my 2 wet tube socks I call boobs too nasty for him to look at " ? Maybe he would be happier w/ someone who did not have that.
He reassures me that's not the case. So maybe these little things here and there will make me feel better as well..
Does this make sense ? I hope someone else can relate to this too . Maybe I'm just nuts and I'm the only one !
I can relate.
ReplyDeleteI have not lost anywhere near as much as you've lost. But, my body has changed. My boobs are a mess. My tummy looks awful and I haven't even had kids!
And my butt, once firm and proud, is now squishy. My husband thinks it's funny, he calls me sponge butt. He used to like my butt- alot- and now he casually admits it's too different for him to like it as much. I realize he means nothing by it, at all, it's more of an observation of how my wt ls has impacted him in random and unimportant ways, but this part of my body that I used to KNOW was his favorite, is no longer his favorite.
And that makes me self conscious.
Plus I do notice my tummy overhang more now and my flabby upper arms.
So I would think I'd be in the same boat as you once I lose more.
Funny how that happens...
In any case, I think reconnecting with your DH sounds good. Maybe you just needed to focus on yourself more for a while during the wt ls journey and now you're ready to spread more of that focus around.
OH dont get me started on my butt or my stomach , i have an overhang . My butt use to be nice and firm and round I use to have a 24 inch waist and a perky butt, he use to call me his "little narrow ass " he calls me that again but its not so nice anymore.
ReplyDeleteMy problem is my husband says I turn him on and its ME he wants all the time , I just dont believe him because I dont see WHY !
At some point i just have to believe him i guess and realize he loves me and has stuck by me no matter what.
I am glad some one out there understands.
I totally get it, Mindy. I too am not where you are, not even close, but yeah, we think losing the weight is all there is. I think sometimes we even have an idealized image of how we're going to look, and we just don't. But then again, you wouldn't look 20 again if you HADN'T gained the weight. It's just part of aging.
ReplyDeleteAnd if he ever says anything about your tube-sock boobies, tell him you never noticed before how much his penis had shrunk. Shuts 'em up every time. Take it from somebody who just celebrated 16 years and got some huge diamond earrings to boot. ;)
Fantastic blog, and congratulations on your weight loss.
ReplyDeleteYou're very honest and real.
I just made the first post to my weight loss blog. My before pictures are quite horrendous (you were warned).
I'm in no position to empathize with your current problem, but if it helps, I can't see why anyone would say you were anything but beautiful. Try talking to your husband about it and telling him what you need.
I hope my willpower is half as enduring as yours.
OH Dont get me wrong ya'll , my husband has NEVER EVER made any comments about my weight or how I look, in fact when i was over weight he never said anything about it either. This is ALL ME !
ReplyDeleteIn fact we went to a party the other night and he said " HA I had the hottest Trophy wife there !" . He does nothing to make me feel self conscious its just me and my issues.
Thank you all for your comments I am glad to know I am not alone !
Just found your blog via some other WL blogs. So interesting to read your journey and to see the amazing progress you have made. I can only hope to be so lucky! You look great!
ReplyDeleteYour thoughts just go to show that weight loss is sooooo much more than a physical transformation, but is also such a huge mental and emotional transformation. Good luck to you, and I am looking forward to reading more. :)
It's me again. I just left a comment on a different post anonymously. Your blog is the first random blog that I've ever commented on. I can really relate to your body issues. I've had two kids and just have not been able to lose the extra weight. It's hard not to feel frumpy and unattractive and just plain old (I'm 32 as well). I have to remind myself that 32 is not old and 160lbs isn't horribly over weight even though it's not where I'd like to be.
ReplyDeleteI'm so glad I stumbled across your blog. You seem to have a real positive outlook and it's wonderful that you're sharing your experience.