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So lately , for what ever reason I have been very self conscious . Well OK its for a few reasons.
Its started with A face book " issue" that came up with my husband ( Nothing major ) that I was uncomfortable with and it made me really stop and think about a lot of things , and ended up making me self conscious. I have gained a few pounds ( 10 to be exact ) and I'm feeling fat again .
When i was 250 pounds I was self conscious yes. However I did not care either. I did not care about my marriage, did not care about myself, i could have cared less if my husband cheated on me . I know that sounds horrible , but hell who would have blamed him, did you SEE what i looked like ? At least that's how I looked at it.
SO after feeling paranoid that my husband might want to leave me NOW we did a lot of talking this weekend and I did a lot of thinking . What he said was " If I was going to leave you or cheat on you i would have done it when you were 250 pounds and MISERABLE therefore making ME miserable ( Lets face it I was and he was ) NOT now when you are happier than you have been and I am happy because you are happy , don't be silly, your stuck w/ me and I'm stuck with you "
But it got me thinking , after 10 years of marriage there are things that I use to do for him to make sure , keep him happy , ( not just in bed either you dirty minded people LOL ) .
But as the years move on , you get in a routine the little things you use to do for each other fall to the waste side. The little things like giving each other a kiss for now reason , calling and saying " how was your day " or " I love you " for no reason . We just don't do that anymore.Or even making SURE your partner is happy , and doing things JUST to make them happy or feel good stops.So we both decided we are going to work on doing that again . We will be married 10 years in February. I am really happier than ever w/ myself( besides this issue ) . I just need to do those little things to have him feel good every now and then again . So does he.
Its funny how at 140ish pounds and 125 pounds lost being self conscious now sets in ? I worry now " Is my hanging stomach too gross for him , are my 2 wet tube socks I call boobs too nasty for him to look at " ? Maybe he would be happier w/ someone who did not have that.
He reassures me that's not the case. So maybe these little things here and there will make me feel better as well..
Does this make sense ? I hope someone else can relate to this too . Maybe I'm just nuts and I'm the only one !
